the famous phrase in 1 JOhn 4.19 that God loved us first is often, and probably correctly, interpreted that God loved us before we ever loved him. This certainly is true. God knew us, knew the hairs on our head, before we were born. But I wonder if there isn’t something else there. Perhaps not in the text itself, but something theologically true about that same sentence. It could also be in the text, depending on how one looks on it, but we’ll get into that later.
What I mean is that perhaps God not only loved us chronologically first, but his love always comes first. This is the basis of grace-filled unconditional love. God says, “I will love you.” Period. There’s no “ifs” or “whens”. But how can that be true. We see that when Israel disobeyed, God got a bit upset. God even had to punish Israel. How can that be love? But let’s think about this, does a parent who punished their child not love them? Certainly not! Of course, those message may be broadcasted and I’m sure we all have been recipients of that kind of message. Things like, “You’re a disappointment.” “Why can’t you change.” “Why can’t you be like this.” And these words hurt. They smart. They tell us we’re bad people, that we aren’t good enough. I’ve said them and I’ve heard them. They don’t feel good and when you spot a place where you’ve said it….. that feels like crap too (If I’ve ever said that to someone who reads this, do let me know, for I am immature and still need to learn).
For most of us, admittedly, love is conditional. ”I can’t love this person when they are this way” “I find it hard to love someone who hurt me” “I can’t love this kind of person”. And I suppose that’s natural. We protect ourselves, we are cautious, especially when we’ve been hurt. I do it. But when that is the case, we are often putting ourselves first. It is centered on the self (read harshly as self-centered). When we do this, we are, as they say in Family Systems we are in a hurtful system. Here we have conditional love, we shame each other, we are controlling, we try to force things, and that can lead to distancing relationships. And again, I’m guilty of these as well and desperately need to improve. But the fact is that, “We love us first.” or probably “I love me first”. Of course, not that we aren’t suppose to love ourselves at all, but to love others means we often must put them first… even when its tough.
Because that’s the way God loves. He loves first. It comes before anything else. ”I will be your God, Israel” (almost with a “whether you like it or not” or more accurately “if (when) you fail, if (when) your fall short, or if (when) you stray away). Nothing has ever changed that! God still is! And that promise extends to Christians as well. He will be our God! Jesus made it so! Period. Now of course, that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t get mad. He doesn’t force himself to like each our actions. In some dysfunctional families, there are rules and regulations that define who is in and who is out. Those who are part of the family follow the rules and those who don’t get excluded. Love is given only if the rules are followed. Inclusion happens only if the rules are followed. But God is not like that.
God isn’t afraid to acknowledge that there is a problem. He’ll say it flat out. But that doesn’t stop his love. His love comes first. His love doesn’t come with the condition that you follow all the rules to the letter. Now, his blessing and some of the good things that comes with being his people does come on condition. He’s not going to just give us everything especially if we’re not following his commands. Just as a parent doesn’t shower a kid with candy if they’re bad, God doesn’t (and wisely) just give all the blessings out to disobedient Israel. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love them. Its unconditional. Full of grace, empowerment, and intimacy. Change is there, it doesn’t mean we don’t try to change, but it isn’t forced, but encouraged through grace. My favorite theological idea right now is “I call you saved so you can live that way. Now you have an identity of a saint, so you can stop living like a sinner”. The love, the encouragement, the truth, comes first! It comes before the change, before we love back, before we respond, before even the blessings. The love is there first. And God is a consistent and unchanging God…. so that love ain’t gonna disappear.
a cycle (both linear and process) of healthy and unhealthy systems (Jack and Judy Balswick)
There are two questions that come along with this. First, do we believe that we are loved first? That God’s love comes before and transcends all actions and will not go away. that he loves us even when we fail? Can we accept that love knowing that we are not shamed. We may be guilty of sin, but never enough that we are kicked out of God’s love. Can we forgive ourselves and accept that we are imperfect but we have a perfect God with a perfect love that does not fail? Second, do we love others like that. (hint: probably not). Can we strive to love first? Can we join with God in establishing that love is unconditional, full of grace, empowering, and growing in intimacy? Or are we distancing ourselves, controlling others, and shaming them? Or perhaps we do this to ourselves? Or believe God is doing it to us? God’s love is first… in everything…
