a frame of mind

This post has nothing really directly related to the previous… just some other thoughts on stuff.

It actually started with a conversation with my dad about taxes. I hear all the time that taxes are something to be dreaded. People avoid them, either legally or illegally and we dread that time. And why not? You have to pay more money to the gov’t and sometimes its hard to see the results. So to avoid paying more taxes, we give to charitable causes. And don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing to do. But it got me thinking… if I get paid say $1000 and then donate 100, I will get taxed on 900 of that. So let’s say the tax on that 900 is 10% and so I pay 90 bucks. Thus at the end of the day, I’ve “spent” 100 and paid 90. Leaving me with 810. Now if I don’t want to pay taxes on that 1000, I donate 1000 and don’t have to pay taxes on it… But that still leaves me with 0… and 810 is still more than 0, but I didn’t pay taxes sucka! someone correct me if I’m wrong, but in all honesty, just paying the tax seems like you’d end up with more (yes, that doesn’t take into account tax brackets and the extremely complicated laws, but what I’m going at next is really my main point).

I asked my dad why paying taxes was such a negative thing. He basically said that its “money that I earned” I deserve what I pay and losing money out of that feels bad. I understand that. Taxes, to simplify is something negative from something that was deserved. But if you look at it in another way, that the taxes you get are gone, if you get a tax return, its a bonus. If you can learn to be content with what is in the end, then nothing is taken away (unless you file incorrectly!) and anything back becomes a blessing. It just depends on how you look at it.

I wonder if this has to do with a sense of entitlement. They say my parent’s generation feels they are entitled. I deserve this. I earned it. I should be able to get this. Its my right. I’m not saying they don’t work hard but it creates an interesting frame of mind.

i wonder if this affects how we look at our lives as well. We oftenhave the idea that the world revolves around us and that good things SHOULD happen to us. And that when bad things do, well, screw the world, its not fair. We’ve been told we can accomplish anything if we just put our mind to it and that we can be anything we want to be. But life has limits and thank God that is true! Goodness, if I could do anything I wanted… shoot… that’d be disastrous.

But maybe even with the best of intentions this can be bad. Example: I want to be used by God. Good thing. But the moment I give into the temptation that its all about me and that I need to be there to see the changes happen and that its my responsibility, I basically start saying, “God needs me”. And nothing can be further from the truth. Something that we learn in seminary is that we really are expendable. God can do the job without us. Yes, He can. And if I start thinking that he needs ME to do it and nothing happens, my feeling of entitlement kicks in and i start thinking, “its not fair” “why God why?” That isn’t trust. That’s trying to get the glory for myself. Getting what is “rightfully” mine.

But when we sit humbly at the feet of God and realize that we are infinitely small, it changes us. We are not entitled to it, but anytime God does choose to use us, it is a blessing. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek it, but we need to think about… well, how we think about it. Are we entitled to be world changers? Nope. That’s God’s job. But does he use us in little ways to touch and minister to people. Yes he does. And those are blessings. Its a privilege, not a right. Maybe I could learn to be thankful for those things that God has done through me, rather than be resentful of the things that God hasn’t.

Maybe it would change how we view the world. How we view people. how we view ourselves. how we think about money, our insecurities, our jobs. Maybe we could learn to let go of controlling situations and changing people and things that we have no business changing. Maybe we’d just learn to listen and see the blessings in our life, rather than the deficits. I’m not saying be constantly pessimistic, but I’m no longer surprised that much when bad things happen. I feel, I can be sad and mourn, but death and pain and mishaps and accidents are a normal part of life. It hurts, to be sure, but it isn’t everything. The world is fallen. That’s a fact. But the kingdom is coming and every inbreaking of blessing from God is another step forward to the eventual victory. Every victory is a blessing and every blessing a victory.

Oh and one more thing.  If you look at it honestly.. we don’t deserve anything.  In fact, what we deserve is death and wrath (wages of sin and all that…).  YET!!!  God gave us grace, something we didn’t deserve.  He gave us kindness!  He gave us unconditional love!  Maybe that’s why its so hard to forgive ourselves sometimes… but if we change the way we look at it (hard I know…), maybe we can find a bit more freedom and joy in life.

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